Eh.. It seems that you have met a-a horrible demise, my friend. But.. uh.. you know, these.. These things happen in - in life. Life goes on. Not for you, obviously, uh, you're dead, but uh.. It reminds me of a time. I was - I was having a conversation with my friend Orville. We were, uh.. we were.. - the river. We were sitting by the river watching the fish leap over the falls, and I said to Orville: "Sometimes I feel like a fish leaping over and over again, always trying to get somewhere. No, I don't know where...or only to find to find myself in the jaws of a beast."

He, of course, looked at me.. eh.. surprised, you know?

"Have you been in the jaws of a beast, friend?"

To which I said "No, of course not, Orville."

I said "No, no, no, no, no. I simply meant that life can seem like a relentless endeavor... Overcome meaningless obstacles, only to meet an equally meaningless fate, regardless of your efforts. Regardless of the obstacles you've passed."

And.. uh.. Orville, he stood and proceeded to drape me with a picnic cloth, to which I asked him, I said "Friend, what - what are you doing?"

He looked at me... very concerned, really. "I feel like you've gotten too much sun." Indeed, heh. Indeed I had.

He proceeded to pour me a glass of... just... ice-cold lemonade... Ooh. Ever mix it with iced tea? I do like... little half-lemonade half-...oh, it's so - you should try it someti- oh, wait. You can't because you're dead. But, anyways...

So you may be asking yourself, "How did I go from sitting by the falls to drinking lemonade, to being wedged in the air duct? Not only with Orville, but with an entire assortment of fruity colored friends."

Well, there's.. uh.. There's really no good answer to that, but perhaps I've met a demise of my own at some point, and this is my afterlife or my dream - whatever it might be. I honestly don't know... Or... Maybe it doesn't mean anything at all.

Maybe it doesn't mean anything at all.

Monologue 2: Frozen Pigeons
Ah... It seems that your journey has ended. Very sorry about that - It was always going to end this way, of course. If it weren't by me, it would've just been by some other.. y'know, terrible thing just... You could not imagine how terrible it would be. Just... I get scared thinking about it! Glad it's not me.

Reminds me of a.. of a time I was speaking to my good friend Orville. We were... we were sitting on a park bench watching the pigeons. I was on the left, he was on the... oh wait. Was I on the right?.. or left? Anyways, it doesn't matter. We were sitting on there, watching the pigeons, and I.. uh.. I said to Orville:

"Friend, those birds are frozen!"

He... kinda looked at me like I'd lost my mind. But I reminded him that it was winter, y'know? And often birds will sit in a tree until they'd freeze... Then they'd, they'd, you know, sort of fall to the ground until the sun warms up, an- and they can, y'know, move around again.

So I said to Orville "You'd might as well save those breadcrumbs until the birds thaw, because they can't very well enjoy them in the condition they're in."

To which he asked what I meant, and asking what condition the crumbs should be in before he threw them to the birds, assuming that I had meant the birds couldn't enjoy the breadcrumbs in the condition that the crumbs were in, when in fact I had meant the birds couldn't enjoy them in the condition that the birds were in, considering the birds were frozen, y'know?

So he took a moment and then threw his last handful onto the ground. I said to him "Orville, why did you throw the breadcrumbs to the birds when I just told you they're frozen?"

To which he responded "The breadcrumbs are not frozen," again misunderstanding my words. I didn't mean to say that the breadcrumbs were frozen when I told you they're frozen. I've been referring to the birds.

You know, in hindsight, what I - what I should've said was - and this would make perfect sense: "Why did you throw the breadcrumbs to the birds when the birds are frozen?"

He misunderstood upon my correction, stating that he didn't know what else to do with the breadcrumbs, and that perhaps, y'know, when the birds thawed they'd still be able to eat the crumbs.

So I...I..I said to Orville - I said - This is what I said to him - I said:

"Orville, the birds may be dead."

Monologue 3: Sourdough Bread
My friend, you have met a terrible, terrible demise. But, I, uh, y'know, I - I - I don't feel too bad about it. After all, if it weren't for me it would've just been from someone else, y'know? I guess what I'm trying to say is life - life goes on. Well... Well for everyone else life goes on. Not - not for you.. uh.. You're dead. That's neither here nor there.