Revising for Clarity - Keeping It Short and Simple and DumpingTrite Business Phrases

Revising for clarity is an important revision task. Clear messages are immediately understood and appreciated. To improve the clarity of your message, keep your sentences short and simple, and dump trite business phrases.

1. Which of the following are trite business phrases? Check all that apply.

1) Please do not hesitate to

2) Enclosed is

3) At your request

4) In accordance with your wishes

2. The trite business phrase in accordance with your wishes can be revised as given whatever you wish / in accordance with what you want / as you wish.

Determine which revision of each the following sentences provides the most clarity.

3. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that the changes to your account will post soon.

1) I am taking this opportunity to inform you that changes to your account will post on Tuesday.

2) As per your verbal instruction, changes to your account will post on Tuesday.

3) The changes to your account will post on Tuesday.

4. The Johnson folder is code red and must be handled offline and across cross-functional departments in the accounting section of this firm.

1) With reference to the Johnson account, please do not share the confidential information contained within the folder. Only the accounting department is authorized to view the information within.

2) The Johnson folder contains confidential information. It should be seen only by the accounting department.

3) The Johnson file should be handled in the accounting department. Every effort should be made to carefully handle sensitive information.

5. Which sentence provides the most clarity?

1) The meeting will be at Harry Laughlin’s home in Duluth.

2) The meeting will be at Harry Laughlin’s domicile in a lovely subdivision in Duluth.

3) The aforementioned meeting will be at Harry Laughlin’s home.

Trite phrases are expressions which have grown stale through too frequent use.

Explanation:

1. the trite business phrases are

2. The trite business phrase in accordance with your wishes can be revised as you wish.

3. the revision that provides the  most clarity for "I am taking this opportunity to inform you that changes to your account will post on Tuesday" is

The changes to your account will post on Tuesday.

4. The Johnson folder contains confidential information. It should be seen only by the accounting department.

5. The meeting will be at Harry Laughlin’s home in Duluth.

1. Which of the following are trite business phrases? Check all that apply.

1) Please do not hesitate to

4) In accordance with your wishes

Explanation

Trite phrases are that are overused

At your request and enclosed in are not trite.

Better alternatives

Please do not hesitate to - please

In accordance with your wishes - as you wish

2.The trite business phrase in accordance with your wishes can be revised as given- whatever you wish / in accordance with what you want / as you wish.

Answer AS YOU WISH

Explanation-

' AS YOU WISH' is minimal and offers clarity

3. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that the changes to your account will post soon.

1) I am taking this opportunity to inform you that changes to your account will post on Tuesday.

2) As per your verbal instruction, changes to your account will post on Tuesday.

3) The changes to your account will post on Tuesday.

Explanation

1. First option- Too may prepositions and connector

2. second option -There is no need for or indication of any verbal instruction

3.Third option is the answer - simple with minimal and no superfluous words

4. The Johnson folder is code red and must be handled offline and across cross-functional departments in the accounting section of this firm.

1) With reference to the Johnson account, please do not share the confidential information contained within the folder. Only the accounting department is authorized to view the information within.

2) The Johnson folder contains confidential information. It should be seen only by the accounting department.

3) The Johnson file should be handled in the accounting department. Every effort should be made to carefully handle sensitive information.

Explanation

1. First option -Redundancy –only accoount Dept is authorized shows that others are not authorized

2 Second option- Direct, simple with minimal and no superfluous words

3. Third option- the first sentence has no contextual link with second. The first speaks about Johnson’s file and does not speak about any confidential information. The second main clause speaks about a confidential information.

5. Which sentence provides the most clarity?

1) The meeting will be at Harry Laughlin’s home in Duluth.

2) The meeting will be at Harry Laughlin’s domicile in a lovely subdivision in Duluth.

3) The aforementioned meeting will be at Harry Laughlin’s home

Explanation

1.first option- Direct, simple with minimal and no superfluous words

2. second option - Domicile is a superfluous word

3. third option- the place of home is not given

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