In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. explain where it could be improved. then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. use correct spelling and grammar. learning to swim is one of my happiest childhood memories. the beach offers more than a place to develop strong swimming skills. there are many things to do at the beach. it is unfortunate that so many people spend every day indoors. more people should take time to visit their local beaches. i am glad i learned to swim at the beach.

The paragraph is beyond choppy and uncomfortable to read because of it. There are too many short sentences and not enough complex ones, making it hard to follow any kind of flow the paragraph has the potential to offer. Because there were no transitions of any kind, it was hard to try and smoothly combine topics. For example, the first two sentences seem abrupt and confusing standing on their own like that. The narrator went from loving swimming to randomly speaking about the beach, and it was hard to follow until you got to the end of the second sentence, understanding then where the connection was between the two. It is hard to even figure out if the paragraph is about swimming or about the beach, and nothing was incorporated smoothly.

There are tons of things to do at local beaches, and people should spend more time at them instead of hanging out indoors all day. The beach offers a place to develop strong swimming skills, and learning to swim is one of my happiest childhood memories. I am glad I learned to swim at the beach.

Rearranging the way beaches and a love for swimming were introduced allow for it to be more easy to understand.

1. read the following excerpt from franklin d. roosevelt's "fireside chat 19":

on the other side of the picture, we must learn also to know that guerilla warfare against the germans in, let us say serbia or norway, us; that a successful russian offensive against the germans us; and that british successes on land or sea in any part of the world strengthen our hands.

remember always that germany and italy, regardless of any formal declaration of war, consider themselves at war with the united states at this moment just as much as they consider themselves at war with britain or russia. and germany puts all the other republics of the americas into the same category of enemies. the people of our sister republics of this hemisphere can be honored by that fact.  

the true goal we seek is far above and beyond the ugly field of battle. when we resort to force, as now we must, we are determined that this force shall be directed toward ultimate good as well as against immediate evil. we americans are not destroyers — we are builders.

analyze the effectiveness of this excerpt. how does it function within the speech as a whole? how does the structure of the excerpt to convey the speech's purpose and key points? support your argument with evidence from the speech. (10 points)