Would someone review this and give their honest opinion. all of the facts are true so that takes some work out.

i really appreciate anyone who out

( don't just steal the 50 points, that's just rude)

From the start, I dislike it due to the formatting. Never write Introductory, Body, Conclusion. It's one essay, not an executive summary. In your introduction, you do not have a clear thesis. Although "Yay! And the..." may seem witty, it comes off more as silly. I actually like the first sentence of your second paragraph "For as long...before academics." as a better thesis. Remember that your introduction introduces your essay. I would give your examples through a third person narrative. You want to approach your argument from an unbiased perspective and that means not say "I believe". Yes, we understand that this is your viewpoint, you're the person writing this essay, right? :P In your body paragraphs, all I can say is make your ideas more consise and then explain why they are relivant. You may need to get some better examples. Why are these examples important? Why should the reader care? Don't use trigger words like "many" or "a lot", but rather give exact examples and numbers. With the conclusion, whoever taught you that it OK to start a sentence with "But"?! Your English teacher should know better than that. :P If I were you, I would proof read your work. There are a few grammatical errors that need to be fixed and some things that should be reworded. Hope that was of some help to you! :)

I'm going to do a technique called 'Peer editing' here, it'll teach you a thing or two. 

1) Compliments: 

° This essay's fluency is perfect. I love the interesting words as well as the great usage of comprehension. 

° I loved the conclusion. Despite the last sentence, everything is perfect and clearly helps me understand the aim of the essay. 

2) Suggestions:

° I think you shouldn't refer to your school specifically, maybe because it does not show accurate results for this type of essay. Informing readers about your school does not give them any accurate information. I hope you understand what I mean here. 

° Where you said "ugh, trust me, I know first hand" makes the essay seem sorta informal. Remember that essay's need to meet requirements, one of the most crucial is for it to be formal. Don't use 'text talk' , etc. 

3) Corrections:

° I only see a few grammar errors. Those should be easily detected if you use a spell check. 

I hope this helped you. Good luck with your studies! ;)