** i just need someone to review this for me..
how did i do on this descriptive essay? this was my first time.. what could i do to make it better?
assignment
descriptive essay
you are to write a descriptive essay in which you use descriptive techniques to describe a place you know well. your submission should meet the following requirements:
• submits a thorough and complete prewriting activities worksheet.
• submits a descriptive essay of 400-500 words about a place.
• includes extremely vivid sensory language, figurative language, comparative and/or superlative adverbs or adjectives, strong word choice and appropriate voice, tone and style.
• uses correct mechanics and grammar.
my family is mi casa (my home)
“ my home is where my heart is. every day i come back to the place i call home. the place i can lay my head down at night with little worry. people say it’s not the place that makes a home, but the loved ones you’re surrounded by, as they will forever and always be the place you go to first, because where’s the love in an empty house? don’t get me wrong, i love the single star stuck on my ceiling that glows at night, i love how the rest fell but that one sticky star stayed. the pictures on my wall remind me of such good times i’ve gotten to experience, the photo of my grandpa and i always brings back the best memories. i love my house, but it just simply wouldn’t be a home without my loving family.
our living room has couches, loveseats, and recliners. everyone in our family seems to have a designated seat whenever we gather around to watch the cowboys play football, or when we all watch a movie together. we have resided in our house for about ten years now, in this timeframe we have made the most wonderful memories. from playing bunco at the dining room table, rescuing animals, and spending holidays, to just the overall fact of growing up. this house is all i’ve ever known for the majority of my lifetime, though the house and/or location of it isn’t what made me fall in love with it. it’s not the property, the interior, exterior, or the hardwood flooring that made it all worthwhile, but my mom, my grandparents, and my pets who all love me oh so dearly. wherever they go, i go. they are my main source of happiness.
imagine this, it’s fall and you’re going to your relative’s house to watch a football game and eat dinner for . as you get out of the car you shut the door and head towards the house. the chilling gentle breeze of the wind, the sound of the leaves blowing across the concrete slab where your car is parked. you knock on the door, only to be greeted with the open arms of your cousin. as you hug them you can tell they’ve been baking as they still had their oven mitts on. you step inside and catch a whiff of a burning yankee candle smelling of pumpkin spice, you get an immediate sense of hunger, being the last time you ate was hours before. the guys in the family are all gathered around the tv watching a football game, it’s subtle and quiet until there’s a sudden burst of cheering from one side of the room and groaning from the other. the patriots scored a touchdown on the dallas cowboys, being a cowboys fan you understood the groaning, but your cousins live for the patriots. once dinner is finally ready you dig in, the stuffing your aunt made was delicious, you simply couldn’t get enough. you look around and everyone else is going for the turkey and mashed potatoes, you think “more for me” and go about your business. while you’re eating you sit back and realize what a nightmare it would be without your family. you love them with all of your heart, and they mean the world to you. you think about how even if you had to spend at a park, your family would still make the most out of it. it brings you happiness to think about, as you are quick to notice that even without the luxuries of being able to live in a home, being able to wake up on a queen sized mattress every morning, having a barn to walk out to, without your family in your home, two dogs to wake up to in the mornings, and a beautiful horse to visit, it’s all just empty space.
you are for what you have, you’re even for what you don’t. there’s an understanding you’ve come to accept, it’s that no matter where life takes you, you always have a family to look back to. they will always be willing to pick you up whenever you have fallen, their love for you will always be so much stronger than any roof could ever be able to hold. you for being me for a little while, now maybe you can see through my perspective of the place i always feel safest. though never to be an exact location, my home is where my heart is, and my heart is where my family grows their love. “