Identify the conflict the narrator addresses in paragraph 4-5 of the lifted veil is this conflict internal or external use text evidence to support your response

paragraph 4-5:

4
before that time comes, i wish to use my last hours of ease and strength in telling the strange story of my experience. i have never fully unbosomed myself to any human being; i have never been encouraged to trust much in the sympathy of my fellow-men. but we have all a chance of meeting with some pity, some tenderness, some charity, when we are dead: it is the living only who cannot be forgiven—the living only from whom men's indulgence and reverence are held off, like the rain by the hard east wind. while the heart beats, bruise it—it is your only opportunity; while the eye can still turn towards you with moist timid entreaty, freeze it with an icy unanswering gaze; while the ear, that delicate messenger to the inmost sanctuary of the soul, can still take in the tones of kindness, put it off with hard civility, or sneering compliment, or envious affectation of indifference; while the creative brain can still throb with the sense of injustice, with the yearning for brotherly recognition—make haste—oppress it with your ill-considered judgments, your trivial comparisons, your careless misrepresentations. the heart will by-and-by be still—ubi saeva indignatio ulterius cor lacerare nequit; the eye will cease to entreat; the ear will be deaf; the brain will have ceased from all wants as well as from all work. then your charitable speeches may find vent; then you may remember and pity the toil and the struggle and the failure; then you may give due honour to the work achieved; then you may find extenuation for errors, and may consent to bury them.
5
that is a trivial schoolboy text; why do i dwell on it? it has little reference to me, for i shall leave no works behind me for men to honour. i have no near relatives who will make up, by weeping over my grave, for the wounds they inflicted on me when i was among them. it is only the story of my life that will perhaps win a little more sympathy from strangers when i am dead, than i ever believed it would obtain from my friends while i was living.