What does this poem mean, what do you think the author is trying tp say? thank you

U know,
Im smiling,
Isn’t that good?
But no,
It isn’t
Because in the
Inside, I am just dying.

I feel like crying,
But I can’t
And I won't.
And so I don’t.
I can't stand
The fact
That life purely
hates me.
All I want to do is be free.

Im sick of life,
Like dam,
Where the knife?
But no.
That isn’t so.
I want to take
everything
Life throws at me,
And make it as crazy
As can be.