CAN SOMEONE ADD TOO THE STORY AND REPLACE WORDS THAT NEED TO BE FIXED

It was just like any other morning. It was hot and the sun was gleaming. I was at a water park with my friends. Fast forward 2 hours and we are getting ready to swim in the pool. It was our first time swimming. Splash. I slipped by accident, and before I knew it I was in the deep end, 6 feet. I couldn't get up. All I could see was leaves. I was in there for a good 4 minutes struggling to save my life. No one could swim towards me. My life flashed before my eyes. Seeing my sister all alone knotted my stomach. Seeing my mother and father mourn terrified me. I thought of how I would survive until I gave up. I became unconcious.

It was just like any other morning. It was hot and the sun was gleaming. I was at a water park with my friends. Fast forward to 2 hours later, we are all getting ready to swim in the pool. This was going to be our first time swimming! Then suddenly, splash! I had slipped by accident, and before I knew it, I was in the deep end of the pool. Being 6 feet below, I couldn't get up and all I could see was leaves. Four minutes passed by as if they were years and I was just struggling to save my life. As time went by, the harder it became to try and make it out alive. No one could swim towards me. My life flashed before my eyes. Seeing my sister all alone made my stomach knot, and seeing my parents mourn over me was terrifying. The only thing I was thinking of was how I wanted to just be with them again, but soon I lost my strength and gave up. I started to become unconscious. The world went blurry as my eyes closed and the black blanket of darkness surrounded me. Time had stopped and I was stuck in its trap. I wanted to scream but I was paralyzed and frozen. All I want is just to go home.

feel free to copy and paste this

It was just like any other morning. It was hot and the sun was gleaming. I was at a water park, having fun with my friends. After 2 hours and we are all getting ready to swim in the pool. It was our first time swimming. I walked by the edges of the pool, going to the lowest part of the pool. The floor looked slippery and I guess wasn’t very careful and I slipped by accident. Before I knew it, I was in the deep end, 6 feet. I couldn't move or get up. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t breathe, and all I could see was leaves. I was in there for a good 4 minutes struggling to save my life. No one could swim towards me. My life flashed before my eyes. Seeing my sister all alone knotted my stomach. Seeing my mother and father mourn terrified me. I thought of how I would survive until I gave up. I couldn’t hold my breath anymore so I closed my eyes and inhaled all the water until I became unconscious. Everything was pitch black. It was about 5 minutes after when I heard the sound of sirens, crying, screaming and my parents voice. I slowly open my eyes and I was being carried out to the Ambulance.

faulty parallelism is a construction in which two or more parts of a sentence are equivalent in meaning but not grammatically similar in form.

the correct version of this faulty parallelism in the sentence is:

the hikers knew that the hike was six miles, that it usually required the entire day, and it would not be wise to start after 10: 00 a.m.

the problem is the last sentence, the first two have a basic subject+verb+object structure.

so, to give a proper balance to the structure, or better said, to give a parallel structure, we must write a basic s+v+o structure in all three sentences:

the hikers knew that the hike was six miles, that it usually required the entire day, and it would not be wise to start after 10: 00 a.m.

hello!

unfortunately i cannot answer your question because there is no question.

to get a fast reply and accurate results, re-post (or edit) the question to add a question.

sorry!