REVISION ASSIGNMENT: rewrite the first paragraph with two ideas in mind. 1) Make sure all the sentences are complete with a subject and predicate. 2) Give me a Thesis Statement that gets closer to the big idea you wanted to express in this essay rather than simply a detail from the story. heres the paragraph below

One balmy late summer night, my amazing mother and father surprised me with flight tickets to ancient Greece..their homeland. A country I never thought i’d be lucky enough to visit especially at such a young age. I jumped up and down in excitement, unsure of how to thank my lovely parents. I knew I had to start packing right away because our trip was just a few days away. Comes around the day of our flight, my family and I are all ready to hop on this super long flight and get to beautiful Greece. Twelve hours on a flight was super exhausting but the moment we touched down, we completely forgot all of our tiredness. As we exited the airport I instantly felt a fresh breeze of air sway past my face. There were breathtaking flowers every way you turned your head.
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Follow the directions (and example) given to create your own sonnet. william shakespeare's sonnet 130 my mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun, coral is far more red, than her lips red, if snow be white, why then her breasts are dun: if hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head: i have seen roses damasked, red and white, but no such roses see i in her cheeks, and in some perfumes is there more delight, than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. i love to hear her speak, yet well i know, that music hath a far more pleasing sound: i grant i never saw a goddess go, my mistress when she walks treads on the ground. and yet by heaven i think my love as rare, as any she belied with false compare. instructions: write fourteen lines of iambic pentameter. use a sonnet rhyme scheme. use the first eight lines to set up your idea (the octave). use the last six lines to conclude your idea (sestet). (variety may be added by including a substitute foot from time to time such as the two anapests in line 3 above.) work in small groups giving each other feedback. reading the sonnet aloud allows you to hear the words and rhythms of the lines. generate questions that will clarify the use of words and forms. for example: was the idea of the sonnet presented in the first eight lines? how was sound used to enhance the meaning of the sonnet?