Hey guys i need some advice and i figured youre the ones to turn to here on ouo so a cousin of mine who i was close to from when we were 7 to 15 years old, just passed away a week ago and so the funeral is this saturday and im freaking out. its gonna be akward and im actually a lil sad. obviously. cuz i knew him for a long time and we were best friends for awhile. idk what happened but at 15 we kinda stopped hanging with each other, i think it was mostly because of me.

one thing you should know. im gay. and i think i was starting to like my cousin, which felt really weird to me cuz you know, he's my cousin? but he never felt like a cousin to me, he just felt like a friend.
so now i feel even worse that i wasn't there for him for a full year. when i first met him at my aunt's birthday party, he obviously wasn't on drugs, but i heard from my mom he started smoking pot and then stole his siter's ADHD and pain pills. i was literally so confused, he seemed like a happy guy when i met him but i guess i was wrong. my aunt recently talked with me and told me she felt like she kind of knew he had some underlying issues. she just didnt know what they were. anyway. yeah.

so, i mean what do you think should i go to his funeral or not?
yeah, i know, it shouldnt and doesnt all depend on u guys if i go or not, but i dont know if i can sit there, let alone look at him in his coffin or even at it. thats kind of horrible for anyone to do. no one wants to do that.