Read the paragraph from Lucy's narrative. Lucy decides that this may not be the most effective
I could see that my neighbor was struggling with the
way to tell her story. If she wants to create more
lone bag of groceries cradled in her arms, in but I wasn't
suspense in the plot, what would be the best possible
sure what I should do. Grandma June-what all the
change she could make?
neighborhood kids had called her for as long as I
She could remove the background information
could rememberhad always been the one to care
for us, to help uS build stronger forts, to grow better
about her past with Grandma June, allowing
flowers, and to learn from our mistakes. To ask if she
suspense to build as the reader wonders who
Grandma June is.
needed help with something as simple as carrying in
one bag of groceries would be like shouting to the
She could include more reasons she is hesitant to
world that she was aging, that she was no longer as
assist Grandma June, allowing suspense to build
strong as she once had been. Hesitantly, I walked to
as the reader begins to believe she will not help.
the wooden gate that divided our front lawn from hers
She could start with the last sentence instead,
and stood there as the package she was carrying
allowing suspense to build as the reader wonders
threatened to spill from her arms.
why she is hesitant to ask if Grandma June needs
help.
She could begin with more stories about Grandma
June, allowing suspense to build as the reader