11 points, can you rewrite the paragraph above. see if you can reorganize and restructure the sentences in a better way.
use organizational flow, the effective use of subordinate clauses to make effective connections between ideas, and the effective use of prepositional phrases.
my hero
my gran is my hero. she is brilliant. she loves to read. she is easily bored. as a young girl, she struggled a great deal. she left home at 21. she moved to the west coast. there, she chose to educate herself. she chose studies over security. she lived in poverty for many years. she eventually got a job teaching at university. she married late in life. she had a beautiful family. she never stopped learning. she died with a burning curiosity about life.