You gave me affection for the first time in what seems like forever... i messed up badly with you and i probably messed with your trust.. I love you just the same as I did before. but I can't say it no more.. I don't deserve to say ily. I don't deserve to still feel this way. one simple hug from u and i just cry because of how badly it hurts to know you don't love me no more.. i wish I didn't still care then it'd be less embarrassing for you and me. But I can't help but dream about how we used to be.. then i wake up and start crying knowing that it is just how things used to be and nothing more.. you are well aware that I still care. but i'm not so sure that you realize just how bad it is killing me inside...

Someone please give me something. something to numb this feeling. my heart is full of sorrow and love for someone i can no longer have.. please... take this feeling away and let me be alone. i want the haunting of his love to disappear.. i want all my feelings to disappear.. please.. give me something to make myself disappear.

(this is a message i wish i could tell my ex. just me venting out in the empty wide ibis.)