It is where you write your opinion and suggestion?

What is wong with this sentence cameron, who has an extreme and unreasonable suspicion of other people and their motives, suffers from paranoia which is a psychological disorder characterized by delusions of persecution or grandeur, was absolutely sure that someone was following him even though he was absolutely alone and hadn't seen a car for miles and miles.

The pop quiz surprised natasha more than read the sentence and choose the correct pronoun.

Which sentence best build the suspense