I'm like. like. i'm like a grenade, mom. i'm a grenade and at some point i'm going to blow up and i would like to minimize the casualties, okayâ¦i just want to stay away from people and read books and think and be with you guys because there is nothing i can do about hurting you; you're too invested, so just let me do that, okay?

I’m not understanding the question but if your asking what that quote means there here ya go: she is saying is that her death will ultimately cause grief and chaos after she is gone. She feels guilty that her parents life and those that love her, are almost making a sacrifice because they love her. Her parents and Gus loving her will in the end be the death of her and them. Ironic, huh?