when you and your friends have different standards, you might have a conflict over what different between you?

When most people hear the words expectations and standards, they believe they are interchangeable. For the longest time, until about a month ago in therapy, I did too. It wasn’t until it became a topic of discussion in group that I realized that expectations and standards are two different things entirely.

For me, expectations and standards play a huge role in the relationship spectrum. But the lines separating these two were very blurred. Like I said, I believed they were interchangeable. Though very similar for the most part, these two are more different than you might think.

I’ll start off with pretty general definitions and examples of the two.

Expectations entertain certain ideas about how we would like situations to turn out, or how we would like other people to behave. An example of an expectation could be that I expect the person I’m dating to communicate with me every day, throughout the day.

Standards are a set of guidelines or ideas of how you will conduct yourself. For example, I set the standard that I always let a friend know where a first date is taking place so that I have a way home in case the date got uncomfortable. That is a standard I’ve set for myself.

If you and your partner’s expectations and standards match up, then I see nothing but smooth sailing for the two of you. However, if they don’t align, here’s where trouble comes to play.

So far we’ve discussed the differences between expectations and standards. Let’s move onto another important component.

Explanation:

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