To the man and women who adopted a helpless child when she was brought to them; To the teachers who never really cared and ignored my problems;To those who never cared, never spoke, probably never knew my name;To the one true friend, whose caring was the only thing that prevented this even from happening sooner;To the God, if he does exist, who chose to play a cruel, cruel joke on me when he placed me where he did and surrounded me with so many uncaring faces; to all of you, goodbye;
I am leaving a world to which I never truly belonged or fit in. Do not weep for me, or mourn my passing. I say this not because I expect to be missed, but to allow those who truly did not care go on with their lives with a clean conscience and dry eyes. I know you don’t want to weep for me. So don’t. But I do ask you to listen to the final words of a young girl who has taken charge of her own destiny. Perhaps my parents might feel something inside which causes them to shed tears. They may pretend that it’s sorrow for their “loss”, but I hope it is something else. Perhaps sorrow for bringing a child into this world when they really didn’t have the time or desire to raise her. I wasn’t the product of love, born of a desire to prepare another human being to grow and lead the human race. I was merely the next acquisition, the next task, the next project on their list of things that bring significance. No child should be brought into this world for the mere purpose of being just another possession. Why can’t you accept the things that make other people different rather than insisting everyone conforms to your will?Sure, some did offer friendly gestures. Drew Wilson often would greet me and ask about my life. Not that I ever felt comfortable enough to tell her anything; I never trusted her enough to give her the chance. What was the purpose? You left me isolated and alone, and no words I could say can convey to you the suffering you caused. I could name names, but in doing so, I would do more now for you than you ever did for me in life. I do not know if what awaits me when I get down off this rope. Will there be a void? Or will I come face to face with God? I just don’t care anymore. If you’re anything like your people, I wouldn’t want to know you. You preached to love one another, yet I’ve felt everything except love from Christians. Even if I could know you were different, well, I still reject you. You have left your “followers” to treat people like me poorly. You have allowed so many of the people you “love”, including me, to suffer. So you want me to trust you with my life? I don’t want to spend eternity with a careless deity like you, or with the company you keep. As my final moments tick away, I wonder what impact these words will create. It depends first on this web site being found, as I doubt whether school administration will want such venom spoken publicly about their lack of caring. Still, the Internet is a remarkable place where even the least significant individual can be heard. Will anyone listen? Will anyone take action? Will students pause and pay attention to the hurting hearts around them? And even if they do, will it be a temporary salve for their egos, to convince themselves they’re really not bad people or will real change happen?My heart certainly goes out to my fellow outsiders. With me gone, some of you will certainly feel more of the pain and hurt that I did. No one understands you. No one cares how your day is going. No one bothers to get to know you as anything more than a nerd, a geek, a loser. You can do nothing for their social status, save the occasional boost to the ego they get from putting you in your place. Some of you, like Chloe Strum, will find outlets in music. Some, like Matthew Ohlson, will have an escape in Drugs. Some, like Hailie Duncan, will live their lives pursuing unicorns that they will never, ever catch. I never had a talent to lose myself in, or a dream or unicorn to chase, and so I have taken the path most dreaded. Some of you may soon join me, and I look forward to welcoming a brother or sister to the land where you will never suffer the loneliness and rejection that faces you now. Farewell forever. I am going to another place. Where, I do not know. But logic dictates that it can only be an improvement. Perhaps my passing will only prove a footnote in a school yearbook. Then again, perhaps the sacrifice of one might bring hope to others. If my d*ath makes life for one person a little more bearable, or a little more enlightened, do I really d*e in vain?“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.”