Anyone there to make me laugh

What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.

What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.

How do you confuse someone? Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.

What did one Frenchman say to the other? I don’t know, I don’t speak French.

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

[The Engineer is sitting in front of a red truck, strumming his guitar. The track "More Gun" plays.]

Engineer: Hey look, buddy. I'm an engineer, that means I solve problems.

[A shot rings out and a bullet hole appears next to the Engineer's head]

Engineer: Not problems like "What is beauty?", 'cause that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy.

[Another two bullet holes appear, on the other side of the Engineer's head.]

Engineer: I solve practical problems.

[the shot zooms out to show a sentry shooting offscreen while the Engie takes a long drink from his beer.]

Heavy:

Engineer: For instance, how am I gonna stop some big mean Mother-Hubbard from tearin' me a structurally superfluous new behind?

[A sentry turns around and shoots a sniper who was trying to creep up on the Engie from behind.]

Engineer: The answer? Use a gun. And if that don't work, use more gun.

[Another sentry fired a salvo of rockets, blowing up someone offscreen.]

Someone, probably the scout: MY RRR

[a blown-off hand lands at the Engineer's feet]

Engineer: Like this, heavy-caliber tripod-mounted little-old-number designed by me,

[Engineer kicks the hand off screen as a sentry blows it apart]

Engineer: Built by me,

[A sentry shoots offscreen]

Engineer: and you best hope;

[The Engineer's expression darkens, and he stares right at the camera]

Engineer: not pointed at you.

[The shot slowly zooms out, showing the massacre ensuing around the Engineer.]