Read the introduction to a personal statement.

(1) usually, when people talk about "rocky” relationships, it’s with a frown, but mine has enriched my life. (2) i became fascinated with rocks when i was really young, and throughout my childhood you could usually find me with my pockets bulging from whatever stony treasures i’d scavenged that day. (3) when my science teacher taught us a unit on geology, i realized that my fascination could become an exciting career that could also me make good money. (4) obtaining an internship to work on the geological exhibit at the museum is an important step on my road to being a geologist.

why does the writer need to revise the personal statement?

sentence 1 should include the writer’s first name.
sentence 2 should state what the essay prompt was.
sentence 3 should avoid mentioning money.
sentence 4 should avoid the extreme opinion.